Overcoming Anxiety: My Journey from Girl Boss to Unemployed Housewife

Anxiety can creep up out of nowhere, especially when life finds you across the world without your support system or a job. The quiet days at home, the lack of a structured routine, and the constant inner dialogue telling me to find my "productive purpose" all contributed to a growing sense of self-doubt and anxiety. This post shares my personal (still ongoing) journey through these obstacles, the steps I am currently taking to regain control, and how I am able to find my peace in an otherwise ridiculous time.

Facing the Reality of Unemployment at Home

When I first decided to walk away from my corporate job, I felt like a lunatic. It was a relatively easy job, completely remote, and paid well. I was asked by a lot of people, "Why are you leaving? You have it so good right now!" I can't sit here and lie and say that it was a horrible job, because it really wasn't, but I hated who I was doing it. No shade on remote positions, but I felt trapped to my home office. Working weird hours probably didn't help, but we had just made this huge international move to Belgium, and I felt like I was wasting this precious time instead of "living it up in Europe," I was sitting in Teams meetings until 9pm. That definitely didn't feel like "living it up."

If you continue to read and get to know me, you will find it pretty quickly that I am a dramatic person (can't help that I'm an Aries), but I am not exaggerating when I say that I didn't recognize the person I had become. I didn't leave my home for weeks at a time, relying on my husband for my social, emotional, and basically any other needs. I felt as if I hit a crossroads. Stay in this position, continue to save money for retirement (smart) or give up that disposable income for the time being, reassess our budget and take a leap of faith.

*SIDE NOTE: Now with all the propaganda out there telling women to leave the workplace, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you this is not a post telling you to up and quit your job without any plans or that having a career will kill you. I still have dreams and goals for my career, and I think women are essential to success in society wherever they choose to go. That is the point. Women should be able to choose.

I recognize not all people can up and quit their jobs and galivant around Europe, that is also not the point of this post. All I am trying to say is that I have been working since I was 15 years old, and I needed (pardon my French) a fucking break. So I did. I took the leap and as soon as the contract was finished, I decided to take a step away from my job and try to find out who I am without the projects, productivity, and task lists.

Post Wedding Blues

Taken by Nick + Lauren Photography

Let me tell you the first month was great mainly because I now had more time to finish planning our wedding that occurred in September (see above picture, shout out Nick + Lauren Photos for awesome pics). It went really well, and I am glad we decided to elope then have a ceremony a year later. We spent two weeks overfilling our social cups, surrounded by all the people we care about, and it was the highest of highs. Just to come back home and experience the lowest two weeks I have ever felt as an adult. Nothing devastating or traumatic happened (thankfully), but the perfect storm of jet lag, post wedding blues, and anxiety created the perfect recipe for a depressive episode. Suddenly, all of the purpose and productivity I had before was gone. I had no distractions to turn to during the day. I was finally all alone with my thoughts.

Recognizing these feelings didn't even feel like the first step, I knew something was off, but I felt like I was in a black hole of several feelings all happening at once. Even though I could see it, I saw no way out of the downward spiral. Until about 4 am on a Wednesday, I decided to FaceTime my Mother-in-Law, Amy. Mothers-in-law get a bad rep a lot of times, but Amy really does deserve a prize for getting through the shit she has been through. We were chatting and I was telling her how I was feeling and she said these words that felt like the ladder thrown down the hole to save me from myself. She said, "You're safe. You have created a beautiful life for yourself with no one's help. You are struggling right now, but you recognize it, which is good." She continued with, "You have to rest now. This is not sustainable. Create your own routine without pressure of being productive." That sentence, though it may have felt like just a cliche comfort mothers tell their daughters, it was exactly the wake up call I needed. I realized that ignoring or "out-working" my anxiety wouldn’t make it disappear. Instead, I needed to face it head-on and find ways to manage it.

Building a New Routine to Regain Control

The silence in the house was loud. Days blurred without the usual deadlines, Teams meetings, and/or social interactions. I found myself stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts, wondering if I was failing my husband or myself with the decision I had made. I knew something had to give, and I decided to create a daily routine that gave me a sense of purpose and accomplishment without the pressure to be perfect.

I started small:

• Waking up with my husband on weekdays to make him coffee and myself, tea.

  
  

• Setting aside time for exercise, even if it was just a short walk through the park or to the grocery store

  
  

• Planning meals and cooking new recipes for my family (shoutout Sally's Baking Addiction and MyFitnessPal)

  
  

• Scheduling time for hobbies (Animal Crossing) and learning new skills (without the immediate pressure to try and monetize it)

  
  

This routine has helped to make me feel more grounded. It gave me a framework to organize my day and reduced the overwhelming feeling of having too much unstructured, unproductive time. Though the whole point of rest is to not be so productive, I personally don't think having nothing to do helps an anxious mind either.

Finding Support and Connection

Isolation can worsen anxiety, so I made an effort to reach out to others. I joined local community groups and online forums where I could connect with other women in similar situations. Sharing experiences and hearing others’ stories reminded me I wasn’t alone, and that it isn't always going to be "smooth sailing" either.

Talking openly about my feelings with close friends and family has also helped. This is something that I struggle to balance sometimes. I have spent enough years seeing a therapist that I can recognize when I am oversharing vs being vulnerable with a trusted individual, but scars run deep. It is hard to open myself up and not feel guilty for sharing something that may be heavy. By being vulnerable though, I often found that people were more understanding than I expected. Community is what you make of it, and while it will never be without an awkward moment here or there, growth is not meant to be comfortable.

Practicing Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

Anxiety often comes with a lot of self-judgment, I like to think of it as my shadow Kermit, like the meme that was trending back "in my day" or more classically the devil on the shoulder. No one prays on another person's downfall like someone with Anxiety's own intrusive thoughts.

While shadow Kermit used to flood my brain and take up space rent free, I learned that through repetitive affirmations it seemed to help release the negativity. If my thoughts wandered to a negative space, I learned to be kinder to myself by being more mindful of how I was talking to myself and list the good things I have done in my life. This meant accepting my feelings without criticism and focusing on the present moment instead of worrying about what might happen.

Setting Small, Achievable Goals

If you are anything like me, when there feels like there is just too much to do, it feels overwhelming and almost impossible to figure out where to start. To combat this, I printed a free little chart from Google and put it in a protective sleeve. Each week I clean off the goals from last week and I reevaluate my schedule. By breaking it down from week to week and setting small achievable goals, I am tricking my brain to get so much more done without the feeling of having "analysis paralysis".

Examples included:

• Organizing one room in the house

  
  

• Planning my meals for the week

  
  

• Creating a bedtime routine

  
  

• Researching available jobs or school programs

  
  

With each goal I achieve or progress in, it gives me a sense of accomplishment. Over time, these small wins will continue to progress towards significant improvements lightening in my mood and outlook.

Embracing New Opportunities and Passions

Being unemployed gave me the chance to explore interests I had put aside. I dusted off my camera for the first time since college graduation, and my passion for capturing moments in time brought a little life back into me. Just this past weekend, on a whim I invited a friend to go scouting for good photo op spots and some of my favorite pictures I have taken came out of it. (See below)

I also started volunteering for events at my husband's work too. Being in the military makes it extra difficult to feel a part of a community because wherever we live, we know it is only for 2-3 years, but participating in events and meeting new people has opened my eyes to just accept that we can't change our circumstances, so it is best to embrace them.

Seeking Professional Help When Needed

I began writing this article as a way to annotate my current feelings and do a pulse check, but I truly do hope that if one person reads it and feels like they could relate and/or the tips helped, then this is a win. I do, however, understand that sometimes self-care is not enough. I have been in places in my life where my anxiety felt too heavy to manage alone. Soon after recognizing my techniques weren't quite doing what they needed to, I reached out to a therapist who specialized in anxiety and childhood trauma. I have been diagnosed with an adjustment disorder and anxiety, so having someone specialized in my needs really helped me feel supported. This is important when finding a therapist or counselor because you want to be given the correct tools to navigate difficult times. You wouldn't want to be handed a lip stain when trying to do your mascara, it could work, but not at its full capacity.

Thankfully there is not as much of a stigma about seeking professional support in today's time, but there are still some skeptics. Like most other things in life, it is something that only works as well as the effort and authenticity that you put into it. For me, therapy has made a big difference. It gave me room to express my worries or struggles and systems to help mitigate my anxiety to a manageable level. If you are struggling, consider seeking help from a qualified counselor or mental health professional OR if you don't have the resources, at least Google healthy coping mechanisms.

Maintaining Progress and Looking Forward

While my anxiety may not ever be conquered (there's no magic cure sorry), the support system, routines, and grace I give myself really does help me continue to manage it at a feasible level. Setbacks are going to happen, because life sometimes be life-ing, but it is completely normal and part of growing (I am also telling this to myself right now as I have procrastinated finishing this first article).

My path forward is not any more clear or certain, but I do feel more hopeful and prepared with a nifty toolbox full of ways to cope. While I may not always believe it, my value is not tied to a job title but to who I am as a person, and that is where my power is stored.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember that anxiety can be managed. Taking small steps, reaching out for support, and being kind to yourself can lead to meaningful change. I am not sure how I will end these articles, but if you have read this far. I love you and see you next week! Byeeeee.